Goals

There isn't a fix it or even a skillful word to express,

Only a realization it's ok to have a mess.

-Daddy Fez

It's only recently 2012 and I've been reading a lot a blogs lately... can you guess what I've been hearing?
Goals. People that are setting them and people that are boycotting them.
Both options are so well defended that I am at a loss for what to do. Therefore, Goal Number 1: Decide whether or not to set goals.

If I am going to set goals, the most important thing is to discover what it would take to achieve them!

My dad, who has always been an inspiration to me has been recently giving me advice and motivating words. Don't worry, there's none of that "I want to poke my eye out with all of this positive thinking bullshit." No, no, he's much more real than that. One of his recent stories concluded with a choice between ice cream or shit. My dad is blunt, crass, passionate, and inspiring.

I don't always (ever) share some of my more personal writings but I thought I'd share a little ditty that I wrote for my dad many many many years ago. I think its important to remember the people that help us with our goals. I realize that a lot of times people set goals and fail to reach them. I wonder if we were to look at what such people had in common if we would see that they had help, support, and love.

Breathing

Waiting up for me

To make sure I’m ok

Never meant more

Than it does to me today

When I am alone

Every time I struggle

You are always there

To get me out of trouble

No one cares as much

Nothing quite compares

To your gentle touch

You always understand me

Even when I don’t

When everyone is leaving

I always know you won’t

You take such great joy

In brushing through my hair

Oh the look on your face

When you don’t like what I wear

Like pieces of a puzzle

Like filling in pies

Like seashells on the seashore

Like the depth of your eyes

When wind flows fierce

Some trees fall

When all is knocked down

Some stand tall

No crease can ever matter

Scars important to remember

Each piece and part

Never ceases to exist

Each piece each part

Made solid with a kiss

Never settle for the best

When something might be better

That’s what you always taught me

And it’s for us both to learn

When there’s something missing

And we’re unsure where to look

Look in me, I’ll look in you

And we’ll only see what’s true

My mind always questions

Where others like me are

Sonewhere there’s an answer

Take me to the stars

I need only look behind me

Or to the side, in front

Everywhere around me

I feel your endless love

Sheltering and guiding

While only still learning

When my heart’s on fire

Yours too is burning

I don’t know how to tell you

That everything’s just right

I don’t know how to protect you

Tell you I love you tonight

Wish I could just hold you

Like a child in my arms

How perfect would that be

To pay you back, to hold your hand

For I know just how you feel

Since you feel all that I know

Everywhere around me always

Your love continues to go

And mine continues to grow

Tuck me in and kiss me

Say goodnight slowly

Let me dream in peace

Only wake me when I’m ready

Shelter me as you see fit

And I will shelter you

Keep me from shaking

And I will hold you steady

Rock me and sing to me

Feel the rhythm

Feel the rhythm

It is you

Who plays the tune of my heart

I think of you and smile

Even when I only frown

My body is relaxed

When my muscles are worn down

Each breath I take

Each breath goes in

And rest relaxing

Cabin Fever

Sometimes I sit at the computer and can't remember the last time I got outside and explored. How quickly I forget that I recently hiked the 22 mile Kalalau trail... but when was the last rock climb? The last bagged peak? The last hike, walk, or even just a moment spent in nature for the sake of health and sanity? Whenever it was it wasn't recent enough. I think "getting outside" is one of those medications that requires a daily dose. It's cold here, it's winter, that makes me want to stay by the fire and cuddle up with a book. After re-reading a few books from my bookshelf (nice to justify taking up shelf space) I think I'm feeling a little cabin fever.

It is time to share the story of "The Tower of Terror." See how convenient it is that the cabin (above) has an upper and lower door for when the snow piles up? Yes, well imagine the outhouse of a similar construction. The toilet, excuse me, the "hole" is at the bottom of a tower. This means that the user must climb up a ladder to the door and then down into a hole in search of a smaller hole in order to relieve him or herself. I will say this, I felt many things but relief was not one of them.

This is just one of many of the lifetime experiences that adventuring provides. And here I am begging to go back?!

Ahh yes, because memory is selective, typically in one of two ways.

1. We love to remember only the good parts! Such as with climbing, we remember the beauty of the views and the serenity of nature but we quickly forget the blisters, muscle cramps, and mosquitoes.

OR

2. We tend to remember only the bad things. For some reason we hold grudges and can't seem forget the one time our friend hurt us even though it was probably unintentional and simply a mis-communication. Meanwhile we conveniently forget the chicken soup they handmade for us when we were sick, the compliment they gave us about our new haircut, and how they defended us when someone was making fun.

I am not entirely sure which is the "better" memory technique. Perhaps that is why in yoga we discuss how the Chitta can be both helpful and harmful. Therefore, we try to be aware of our thoughts, emotions, impressions, etc. The more I try to be aware of the things going on in my head, the more concerned I become!

Anywho, off to yoga!

Yes.... I miss Seattle

I wouldn't have thought it... but I miss Seattle. There is a feeling you get driving into the city that is pretty magical. I remember when I was an intern in the summer of 2008 and I would drive in from the south, I would feel like it was the opening scene to my own little television show. After I moved there in 2009, that drive into the city still tugged at my heart. Depending on what was going on the feeling could evoke emotions and I would notice that I was smiling wide or perhaps a few tears were building in the corner of my eyes. On our last night in Seattle in 2011, we headed up to capture the image that had been such a part of my life for the past couple of years. While excited about moving on, it is always hard to say goodbye. I think the feeling is similar to when I lived in Grover Beach and I would drive from school in San Luis Obispo on my way home. There is this big hill that you drive up and then "ahhhhhhhh," the clouds part and the angels sing as you come over the hill and see Shell Beach.

I miss my Seattle cousin, my Seattle friends, and my yoga community there. I miss teaching yoga at the VA,  the Samarya Center, the SES Senior Center, and Seattle Bouldering Project. I miss walking around Greenlake, seeing the intense green of the Emerald City, and those amazing Ferry rides.

Barefoot Peak

We sure use our poor little feet a lot don't we?

Just returned home from our Thanksgiving trip. We had a great time relaxing, bonding with friends, and adventuring! Marc and I hiked the Na Pali coast on the Kalalau trail, an 11 mile cliff edge trail to one of the most beautiful beaches I have seen. (And I've seen some pretty amazing beaches!) The Hawaiian culture talks about mana, a force or quality present in the world and the island of Kauai is considered a very spiritual place among the islands. For me, it wasn't so much the beach alone as the whole place together. The valley, the cliffs, the peaks, and the beach together. Witnessing a tucked away waterfall 800 ft tall, the remains of terraces from the ancient Hawaiians, and the power of the ocean in November.The lush green of the valley next to the deep blue of the ocean took my breath away. (So did the parts of the trail that led me inches from the edge of a cliff hundreds of feet above powerful waves!)

During our hike we were talking about how we love hiking, backpacking, and mountaineering because of the hard work that we put in to receive the gift of the views and the beauty. We have often stepped on ground that very few others have the opportunity to see. We feel as though our physical effort is our payment for the gift, though I still feel undeserving. Nature has the ability to humble me on even my most narcissistic days! As my little feet got blisters about mile 19 of our 22 miles, I probably was not feeling as poetic about it as I am now. However, it is quite humbling to be a little girl surrounded by rugged terrain and indescribable beauty.

Not that everyone should take on adventures such as a 22 mile hike; not everyone could, should, or would want to, but there is something to be said about using our bodies and minds. There is something about effort, determination, the literal or figurative climb. 

"Show me your hands. Do they have scars from giving? Show me your feet. Are they wounded in service? Show me your heart. Have you left a place for divine love?"

-Fulton J. Sheen (Archbishop)

Happy Thanksgiving!

We're hanging out in Kauai catching some rays and waves! It has been quite the crazy month/year...! This year I got married, switched careers from engineering to yoga and photography, and met some amazing fellow yoga teachers and students too. Then we made a bitter sweet move from Seattle to Visalia (I didn't think I was going to be sad about it, but it was harder to leave than I expected.) In fact, we moved last week and then had Joey and Danielles wedding this past weekend and then took off for Thanksgiving in Kauai.

I love Thanksgiving because it is a time that encourages us to think about the things that we are thankful for. I wish that I remembered to make my "I'm grateful for list" every day. I wish I remembered to be more grateful for everything that I have. I wish, I wish... why don't I just do it? Do I not have control over how and what I think about? Isn't that why I am doing this yoga stuff?!!

Tame the mind. This is the greatest challenge before you. It rushes here and there, swifter than the wind, more slippery than water. If you can arrest the flights of the mind to your will, happiness will be assured to you.

The wise man takes great care to guard his thoughts. They are very subtle, very difficult to perceive and slip out of control at the tinniest opportunity. A well guarded mind brings happiness.

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks oracts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.

-Buddha

Moving and Goodbyes

I've been preparing to move to California and as I sit here now I realize that I've probably gone beyond preparing and entered the phase of moving. We leave tomorrow morning when the sun comes up. I've been teaching all of my yoga classes this week. It's been a lot as I'm overwhelmingly busy with the move, however, it has also been a blessing because I've been able to get out of the house, step away from packing and cleaning, in order to do something I love.

Teaching my classes this week has also been a blessing because I've been able to say goodbye to my students and I have been able to feel the sadness that comes with leaving. Yes, I cried after I left the VA where I taught my last class to some amazing guys! I have some amazing students that I will really miss because of all that they have taught me. I thought that my excitement for the new phase would overpower my sadness of leaving much like it seemed to when I left home for collage or left collage for my new career in Seattle. Perhaps its different because those things were bound to happen or I had planned on them happening way in advance. Perhaps it is different because of the amazing year that this one has been for me, all of the life changes and new friends... or perhaps its just different because it's different... after all, the more I learn the less I know!

Farewell Seattle, here goes nothing....

My brothers from another mother!

Their words, not mine, my "brothers from another mother" have been a huge blessing in my life. I teach at the VA and it is often the best day of the week. As a person who wants to know my dharma, who wants to feel like I am making a difference in there world, you can imagine that there is nothing like hearing about how yoga is helping my students deal with their various life challenges.

One of my favorite (am I allowed to have favorites? what if they are all my favorites?!) students showed up to class and it was immediately apparent to me that he was having a bad day. (We all have some of those...) By the end of class it seemed like he was feeling a bit better. We discussed for a moment the benefit of showing up even when you don't feel like it and then just allowing yourself to be in the group.

I can toast to that! Cheers to "showing up!" And cheers to partnership, the group, the people that help us out just by being around!