Meditation

In my last post I mentioned meditation briefly in passing. I finally downloaded the Insight Timer app on my iphone. It has the "yoga bells" and allows you to track your meditation stats. It also has a cool journal feature that pops up after the session. I love it because I get excited as I see the counter grow showing how much meditation I've logged.

I've been thinking about meditation a lot differently lately. I have a very active mind and the idea of quieting it has always seemed impossible. Lately I've realized that I don't need to see the thoughts as "bad" (especially when they aren't bad thoughts.) I can have thoughts and I undoubtedly will have thoughts. The trick is what I do next. Do I dwell on the thoughts or do I let them go and return to my focus of my meditation? Do I accept them as fact or do I watch them and recognize them for what they are? Emotion, judgement, planning, exaggerating... What part of the thought is truth if any? Once I let go of my expectations in meditation I've been able to enjoy it. Once I let go of trying to be "good at it" I could just sit.

Time Out

There's a Edward Abbey quote that is sort of a mantra for us, there's a line in it

that states:

"Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure."

The quote is a reminder for balance in life. Work hard, play hard. As we were driving up to Kings Canyon National park yesterday Marc said, "This week we'll flip it. Play hard, work hard." We were taking a Monday off to get out into nature and recharge. We were stressed and tired and had a to-do list twenty pages long and we ran away from our responsibilities to explore the National Park. We weren't really running away because we knew we'd be right back. We just needed a break, a recharge. A little self-love. (Meditation helps with that too.)

Our Future is Calling

Sometimes my best days are the ones I get up early and hang out at a coffee shop. I remember in college I used to love studying at a coffee shop while Marc wanted to be at the library. I love sitting here watching people starting their days while listening to whatever music is playing intermixed with the grind of the espresso machine and vibrant conversations. When I get up and get out of the house I am so much more productive than when I slump from bed to the office without a good start to the day. Running also works but as it gets hotter here, our motivation to wake up earlier and earlier to beat the heat wanes. We've decided to swim on lunch breaks instead.

At the coffee shop I bring three things:
1. something to work on
2. something to read
3. something to write

In the office I am often only working. The pressure of the white board to-do list and my ever growing inbox leaves little room for reading and writing.

Marc had this little book by Justin Zoradi chilling on his pile yesterday so I stole it for my Monday morning read. I love when I get my hands on inspiring words that encourage living life with purpose. I am so glad this book ended up in my pile this morning.

Last week Marc and I had the opportunity to present/talk about our photography and adventures. Our message was simple. Love. Adventurously. The friends that we have and the things that we have done make it impossible for us to choose anything other than living an adventurous life. Everyone has their "thing" that they love and carve our time for. For us, it's adventure, it's getting outside and exploring. We realized we have to make it a priority. The work hard, play hard recipe only works if you work hard first. Justin talks about this when he says "Don't follow your passion, follow your time." Passion alone is temporary, he compares it to caffeine or a spark. We won't feel passionate, inspired, or motivated every day. Somedays we'll have to push ourselves to live passionatly. Where are we spending those finite hours of our day? What choices are we making with how to spend our day? Do we schedule time for our health, our relationships, our dreams? Where we spend our time tells us what our priorities are. On top of my to-do list I put a quote as a reminder of this, "Dreams don't work if you don't."

I am always trying to follow my passions. That doesn't mean that because I love what i do, it's easy. That's where the main disconnect is for people when they say that they wish they could quit their job and do something they love like I did. They think they can't because they don't have some secret easy trail to follow. There is no trail. You bushwhack the whole way. Climbing dharma peak, following your calling, being inspired everyday... it all takes work and effort. (Tapahs in yoga terms.) It takes all the things that Justin talks about none of which is luck. Yes, we are blessed with an opportunity. But we have to leap. We have to fight. Dreaming is not passive like it was when we were children. Dreaming takes work. The choice can be set in front of us, but we have to climb. I think that's why it's so scary. When did we start getting so scared? Scared of falling? Scared of failure?

Remembering the Victories

In light of our recent discussion about doing the "work" in our lives and on our selves from a place of love, I think it is important to remember the victories. It's helpful to remember our successes and use them as evidence for why we should keep climbing our mountains in life.

I was climbing the Middle Teton in Grand Teton National park with Marc. Every mountain I have climbed has taught me about my strengths and weaknesses. (Note: I have learned a lot about my weaknesses!) Mountains remind me of my humanity. My fears. How big the mountain is versus how small I am. For me it’s often a case of “I think I can, I think I can.” Only, I actually don’t think I can but I am hoping that if I say it enough I will start to believe it!

This trip to the Tetons was different. I knew I could. I was feeling strong and having fun. I was working hard but I felt powerful and unstoppable. I will never forget that feeling. It was a feeling I had been chasing. Many mountains have received tears of my frustration and pain. This mountain received tears of my joy and empowerment.

"The Rock Warrior's Way" by Arno Ilgner is one of my favorite books about both how to climb better and how to lives our lives better. The book essentially talks about mental training and the power of our mind to make us better at climbing or whatever it is we are trying to be better at. One of my many favorite concepts from the book is, "All the training in the world will have minimal benefit to you if you don't give yourself room to believe."

When I am teaching a power or vigorous yoga class and we are doing something hard or new, I always ask the students to first imagine it. Can we do the pose in our imaginations? I find that for some people it is hard to even just imagine it. If we can't see ourselves doing it in our minds when we don't actually have to do anything, how are we to ever actually do it?

A Sanskrit saying comes to mind. "Mana eva manushyanam karanam bandha mokshayoho." As the mind, so the man; bondage or liberation are in your own mind.

That is why it is important to me to remember the victories. If I have successes to remind myself of then I can believe in my ability to reach the summit, to kiss the summit marker, and to shed that tear of victory!

A Labor of Love

I have no excuse for not sharing. I have been writing, just not sharing.

Rather than dwell on that, I figured I could just jump right in to what's been going on for me lately and how yoga ideas help. (Speaking of yoga, I will be teaching new classes with Visalia Park and Rec so stay tuned!)

I talk about this idea of Dharma Peak as the mountain we are climbing in our yoga practice. I talk about the climb, the work, and the effort we put in while trying to get where we are going. Here's a secret, I think that I talk about these concepts because they are easier for me than some of the others! It's easier for me to think about what I can do than try to figure out this idea of non-attachment. Easier than even just sitting still. I'm always trying to do something.

Which is fine. But... This "doing" could be done as a labor of love. 

I’ve been working, searching, and studying. I have come back around to this yoga idea of pain or hard work (tapahs) as a means to purification. What I have realized it this. Accepting the hard work is one challenge. Understanding and awareness of the reason that we accept it is another.

The hard work, the struggles, the challenges we put ourselves through in the pursuit of something better would be more beneficial to us if our intention was to do so out of love of ourselves.  If we think that we are not good enough and that is our motivation, we are only setting ourselves up for more disappointment. "All grief comes from expectations." – Amma

"Doing" because we are not good enough goes against this other yoga idea of underneath everything we are perfect and whole exactly as we are. "Doing" because we love ourselves, now that's another angle. A slightly new one for me. I get love. And I get work/effort. I just haven't always put them together. How can work come from love? 

I am not talking about work as in what we do as an occupation, although that is a good place to start. If you think about work that you do because you have to versus work that you do because you love it, do you see a difference? The work in either case is not the variable, our ability to come from a place of love is what is changing.

When I grow up...

"When I grow up I want to be an astronaut!"

Or at least that's what I thought when I was in grade school. That was my answer to the big life question that we were already supposed to have the answer to... at age six. Since birth maybe. I remember it now; coming out of mom, seeing the world for the first time, and thinking, "this is alright but I want to go up into space!"

A few years later I had to get glasses, big nerdy blue frames. My dreams of being an astronaut were shattered. All was still well, I was going to be a professional soccer player! In High School I tore my ACL and had to have surgery, another dream shattered... well... actually I am not sure I was really ever good enough anyway so really it just gave me a valid excuse for why I couldn't make it.

Somewhere along the line my High School Calculus teacher caught me drawing in class. Despite the fact that it was a pretty true to life picture of her, glasses and wrinkles included, she seemed quite impressed and began to put my artistic talents to use. Long story short I ended up an Architectural Engineer and I started my real job in the real world.

Sure, I took pictures even then... but mostly of cracks in concrete and water damaged wood. I started trying to think of a more interesting way to capture cracks, a way to get better light or more variety. But all the cracks started to run together. It was then that I realized something...

No, it's not what you might think. I had no idea I wanted to be a photographer. What I realized was that I was bored. So I did what any rational person would do. I quit my job. It really wasn't as simple as that, but for times sake let's say it was!

For the first time in my life, I suddenly had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was refreshing! I knew I wanted to work with people and that I wanted to make them happy... but that was as far as I got. Luckily I had some things to keep me busy, I had a wedding to plan. But one can only plan their wedding once and then they need to get a job.

A couple of photography related things happened...
We hated didn't like our wedding photographer. Our fault, we knew better. We gave matted 8x10s as wedding favors to our guests. They were pictures Marc and I took, but mostly Marc. People loved it, they even fought over them! Suddenly I saw it, a way to make people happy! And once we were married, "what's mine is yours, right honey?" So I used Marcs talent to build a business and now... here I am! Brenda Bergreen of Bergreen Photography, a husband and wife photography team!

And once again I know what I want to be when I grow up...
HAPPY!

Sequoia National Park Yoga

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves.

-Rilke

I just returned from a backpacking trip in Sequoia National Park . I was so busy hiking and taking pictures that I didn't get to write in my journal. Typically the wilderness helps me clear my head and find inspiration. I think it still did both but I do not have any insightful words to share. Pictures on the other hand... I have tons of pictures! 

While hiking I go through phases ranging from "I love this" to "my feet hurt" to "what was I thinking" back to "ahh beauty." I sometimes get frustrated with myself for not being able to move past those thoughts and feelings of frustration that come with hiking long distances or steep climbs. But then again, if it was easy...