I think I can I think I can...

In climbing there is a lot of mental challenges... in fact, even though climbers are generally pretty strong physically, what sets a good climber apart from an average climber is their ability to control their mind. (Yay Yoga!) Of course, it is a daily practice jut like yoga. Perhaps some people are naturally clear headed, but for most of us each day is a new challenge. Each climb is a new quest. Success is not necessarily easily determined. It is not always about the summit or even the completion of a climb, sometimes its about the lessons learned. Lessons about what we are capable of, lessons about climbing technique perhaps, lessons about what our thoughts do when we are under stress... I think that is an interesting effort in self-study. When I am scared and hanging by a fingernail on the edge of a cliff, what am I telling myself? Is it "I can do this?" Or is it "I can't?"

Ok, I'll admit... my self-talk sucks sometimes! I got down off of my first lead in a long time and while I felt good from the successful climb, I noticed that I hadn't done myself any favors. Luckily for me, (or not) I happen to talk to myself out loud while I climb... so I have witnesses! Maybe that will help hold me accountable! 

We think of a lot of excuses: I haven't done this in awhile, I am out of shape, I have the wrong pants, it's too hot, my feet hurt.... can I add "AND I can do it despite all that!" After all, I just did. Take one moment to stop making excuses and just climb.

Growing up?

"Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas."
Paula Poundstone

I think a lot about who I am, what I am supposed to be or do, how I am supposed to use my gifts. On one hand it's good that I want to serve and make my life have meaning. On the other hand, this "identity crisis" doesn't help my state of being. Am I to be defined by what I do or my success? In High School, I was excited to move on to college. In college I couldn't wait to get to the "real world." I remember thinking how wonderful it was going to be when there was nothing I was "supposed to do" any more. I remember thinking I would love the freedom of choosing my future... being grown up... the unknown is a lot more daunting than I expected!

But worrying about it takes the fun out of life, why can't this just be another one of my adventures?

Handstands

Sometimes being upside down is the best way to see things right side up.

In the practice of understanding myself there are some things that remind me of the importance of not neglecting all the different elements or aspects of my life. If I exercise, but fail to eat correctly... if I take care of my body but not my mind... if I take care of my mind but not my spirit... well, you get the idea. 

It's like the various dimensions of hand-standing. If I have been maintaining the flexibility of my hamstrings and the strength of my core, I can get up gracefully but can hardly stay up. If I focus on the strength of my arms... I can stand for longer but I need the support of a wall if I've neglected my core.

Thus... we practice and try to remember balance in our lives. Sometimes that means flipping over to see things from a different perspective. 

Inspiration

Sometimes I have a hard time describing how I feel about life. Perhaps more specifically, life's purpose. Perhaps more honestly... my purpose. I have had a few moments in my life when I have felt inspired if not intimately connected to the world as a whole. Such moments give me faith and joy. The feeling that begins to control me sparks a creativity beyond what I would expect to be capable of. I have written or designed things that when I look back at them I cannot recognize the author. There is a happiness that is undeniable and unshakable. It is a stark contrast to the more typical moment during which I have to make a decision to smile or put effort into my good mood. I aspire and dream to create a life where such moments begin to dominate my existence. Perhaps then I would fail to appreciate the beauty and magic, though I have a feeling that it would be impossible for me to disrespect the purity of the gift.


Instead I am constantly seeking, striving, and aspiring to catch only just another glimpse of divine influence. In my pursuit, I forget to enjoy life and as my shoulders hike up around my neck the poison of stress creeps into my body. Stress that I am in a fortunate enough position to try to avoid. Stress that for some reason I allow into my body and mind. Stress that then takes hours of yoga to attempt to remedy... 


It is such thoughts that discourage me and make my yoga practice seem so daunting. How can I possibly spend a little moment of time every single day focusing on myself? How can I possibly invest effort in paying attention to the food I eat and the sleep I get? Hmmm... how can I not? But although I tease, I tend to take myself too seriously. It's been an effort of mine recently to not take myself so seriously.Maybe I don't have to be inspired every moment of every day. Maybe I can just have a little fun now and then, waiting for my moments to come and go like the waves always tend to.




When I can't find words to describe how I feel... I should just let others describe it for me!!!

Mickey Smith's "Dark Side of the Lens," 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1swPZzxv0tI

I never set out to become anything in particular, only to live creatively and push the scope of my experience for adventure and for passion... This is where my heart beats hardest... I want to document it in the way I see it in my head and feel it in the sea...


I never want to take this for granted so I try to keep motivation simple, real, and positive. 


If I only scrape a living at least its a living worth scraping. 


If there is no future in it, at least its a present worth remembering. 


For fires of happiness and waves of gratitude, for everything that brought us to that point on earth in that point in time, to do something worth remembering with a photograph or a scar. I feel genuinely lucky to -hand on heart- say I love doing what I do. And though I may never be a rich man, if I live long enough I'll certainly have a tale or two for the nephews, and I dig the thought of that.

Goals

There isn't a fix it or even a skillful word to express,

Only a realization it's ok to have a mess.

-Daddy Fez

It's only recently 2012 and I've been reading a lot a blogs lately... can you guess what I've been hearing?
Goals. People that are setting them and people that are boycotting them.
Both options are so well defended that I am at a loss for what to do. Therefore, Goal Number 1: Decide whether or not to set goals.

If I am going to set goals, the most important thing is to discover what it would take to achieve them!

My dad, who has always been an inspiration to me has been recently giving me advice and motivating words. Don't worry, there's none of that "I want to poke my eye out with all of this positive thinking bullshit." No, no, he's much more real than that. One of his recent stories concluded with a choice between ice cream or shit. My dad is blunt, crass, passionate, and inspiring.

I don't always (ever) share some of my more personal writings but I thought I'd share a little ditty that I wrote for my dad many many many years ago. I think its important to remember the people that help us with our goals. I realize that a lot of times people set goals and fail to reach them. I wonder if we were to look at what such people had in common if we would see that they had help, support, and love.

Breathing

Waiting up for me

To make sure I’m ok

Never meant more

Than it does to me today

When I am alone

Every time I struggle

You are always there

To get me out of trouble

No one cares as much

Nothing quite compares

To your gentle touch

You always understand me

Even when I don’t

When everyone is leaving

I always know you won’t

You take such great joy

In brushing through my hair

Oh the look on your face

When you don’t like what I wear

Like pieces of a puzzle

Like filling in pies

Like seashells on the seashore

Like the depth of your eyes

When wind flows fierce

Some trees fall

When all is knocked down

Some stand tall

No crease can ever matter

Scars important to remember

Each piece and part

Never ceases to exist

Each piece each part

Made solid with a kiss

Never settle for the best

When something might be better

That’s what you always taught me

And it’s for us both to learn

When there’s something missing

And we’re unsure where to look

Look in me, I’ll look in you

And we’ll only see what’s true

My mind always questions

Where others like me are

Sonewhere there’s an answer

Take me to the stars

I need only look behind me

Or to the side, in front

Everywhere around me

I feel your endless love

Sheltering and guiding

While only still learning

When my heart’s on fire

Yours too is burning

I don’t know how to tell you

That everything’s just right

I don’t know how to protect you

Tell you I love you tonight

Wish I could just hold you

Like a child in my arms

How perfect would that be

To pay you back, to hold your hand

For I know just how you feel

Since you feel all that I know

Everywhere around me always

Your love continues to go

And mine continues to grow

Tuck me in and kiss me

Say goodnight slowly

Let me dream in peace

Only wake me when I’m ready

Shelter me as you see fit

And I will shelter you

Keep me from shaking

And I will hold you steady

Rock me and sing to me

Feel the rhythm

Feel the rhythm

It is you

Who plays the tune of my heart

I think of you and smile

Even when I only frown

My body is relaxed

When my muscles are worn down

Each breath I take

Each breath goes in

And rest relaxing

Cabin Fever

Sometimes I sit at the computer and can't remember the last time I got outside and explored. How quickly I forget that I recently hiked the 22 mile Kalalau trail... but when was the last rock climb? The last bagged peak? The last hike, walk, or even just a moment spent in nature for the sake of health and sanity? Whenever it was it wasn't recent enough. I think "getting outside" is one of those medications that requires a daily dose. It's cold here, it's winter, that makes me want to stay by the fire and cuddle up with a book. After re-reading a few books from my bookshelf (nice to justify taking up shelf space) I think I'm feeling a little cabin fever.

It is time to share the story of "The Tower of Terror." See how convenient it is that the cabin (above) has an upper and lower door for when the snow piles up? Yes, well imagine the outhouse of a similar construction. The toilet, excuse me, the "hole" is at the bottom of a tower. This means that the user must climb up a ladder to the door and then down into a hole in search of a smaller hole in order to relieve him or herself. I will say this, I felt many things but relief was not one of them.

This is just one of many of the lifetime experiences that adventuring provides. And here I am begging to go back?!

Ahh yes, because memory is selective, typically in one of two ways.

1. We love to remember only the good parts! Such as with climbing, we remember the beauty of the views and the serenity of nature but we quickly forget the blisters, muscle cramps, and mosquitoes.

OR

2. We tend to remember only the bad things. For some reason we hold grudges and can't seem forget the one time our friend hurt us even though it was probably unintentional and simply a mis-communication. Meanwhile we conveniently forget the chicken soup they handmade for us when we were sick, the compliment they gave us about our new haircut, and how they defended us when someone was making fun.

I am not entirely sure which is the "better" memory technique. Perhaps that is why in yoga we discuss how the Chitta can be both helpful and harmful. Therefore, we try to be aware of our thoughts, emotions, impressions, etc. The more I try to be aware of the things going on in my head, the more concerned I become!

Anywho, off to yoga!

Yes.... I miss Seattle

I wouldn't have thought it... but I miss Seattle. There is a feeling you get driving into the city that is pretty magical. I remember when I was an intern in the summer of 2008 and I would drive in from the south, I would feel like it was the opening scene to my own little television show. After I moved there in 2009, that drive into the city still tugged at my heart. Depending on what was going on the feeling could evoke emotions and I would notice that I was smiling wide or perhaps a few tears were building in the corner of my eyes. On our last night in Seattle in 2011, we headed up to capture the image that had been such a part of my life for the past couple of years. While excited about moving on, it is always hard to say goodbye. I think the feeling is similar to when I lived in Grover Beach and I would drive from school in San Luis Obispo on my way home. There is this big hill that you drive up and then "ahhhhhhhh," the clouds part and the angels sing as you come over the hill and see Shell Beach.

I miss my Seattle cousin, my Seattle friends, and my yoga community there. I miss teaching yoga at the VA,  the Samarya Center, the SES Senior Center, and Seattle Bouldering Project. I miss walking around Greenlake, seeing the intense green of the Emerald City, and those amazing Ferry rides.