I wanna take her climbing....!

In class last night, our teacher was talking about the beauty of the way that yoga requires us to focus and brings us into the present moment. Our teacher described how you can't be thinking about ten different things when you are attempting an advanced pose.

Presence is often hard for me as I have one of those minds that likes to go crazy with thoughts, worries, ideas, and everything else. However, I desire presence and am therefore drawn to things that bring me here to this moment.

After class Marc made a comment about how he liked the presence concept. Then he said, "I want to take her climbing!!!!!"

I agree. You can't be thinking about anything else when you are making an exposed traverse on a sustained climb or jamming your hands in a crack and muscling your way up.




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Climbing to Success

"Success is not counted by how high you have climbed but by how many people you brought with you."
- Wil Rose


"Success is the side-effect of your personal dedication to a course greater than yourself."
-Viktor Frankl


"Success is living up to your potential. Don't just show up for life- live it, enjoy it, taste it, smell it."
-Joe Kapp





I've just been thinking about success lately... wondering what it means. I think my definition of success has changed over the years, or maybe it has even changed over the past few days. Or maybe there is more than one definition for success depending on what we are referencing. Lately, as I've been thinking about climbing "Dharma Peak," thinking about my calling or purpose and climbing towards it, I have come back time and again to this idea of a higher potential, a higher power, and a higher course. Basically I have been thinking about a higher and higher destination. Higher, greater, better, bigger, more. More than just me, more than just this. I love thinking about a big goal, I think it's beautiful to aim high. And yet, sometimes it it tiring and discouraging. Climbing both my literal and symbolic mountains, I get tired and worn out. Hard work will do that to you! Is the journey enough to sustain when the climbing gets hard? Is the dream strong enough to keep pulling us toward our summit? Do we have the commitment, the dedication, the tapahs?

When I am tired, I try to remember the reason that I work hard, the reason that I put in all of that the effort/tapahs. Success does not come easy, nor should it. When I am tired, sometimes I need to lean on a friend or take a brief rest.

When I am standing on some summit or another, I try to remember these times... the effort/tapahs... so that I can be sure to savor the success! Where ever you are, be there on your journey and we'll climb together.

Training for the Training

Marc and I are currently training for Half Dome. Our weekend training consisted of climbing Liberty Crack. Its a grade five climb that requires "a long day." A long day can turn into a really long day when little things go wrong. Needless-to-say... we had a really long day. I made the mistake of putting Marc in charge of researching the plans. I just wanted to read the topo in the tent the night before. Now, during a google search I see posts describing a 24 hour "long day." Ok, fine, but if we start Saturday before sunrise and don't get down until Sunday... sure feels like more than one day! Had I known...

Aid Climbing means slower and heavier. It also means we get to climb things that might otherwise be impossible. However, this weekend redefined "impossible" for me once again. As I was jugging with a heavy pack or brute forcing up a supposed 5.0 as the sky turned dark or trying to hike down crumbling cascade scree exhausted and in the dark, I thought to myself that I couldn't possibly continue. But there was nothing to do but continue. It took us awhile to find the wrap anchors since only one of our headlamps was bright enough to spot them, but there was nothing to do but keep looking. Everything took awhile, everything took a lot of energy and strength. "Everything" took it out of me until I had nothing left. Yet I continued on. The impossible is possible... if. you're. awesome!!!!! (from Bolt)

I will admit... I shed tears. I yelled at Marc. I quit climbing. For the day. Forever. More than once. But this is a typical response when I am in a place where I am pushing my limits. To say that I was completely in control would mean that I was not yet at my limit. Being at my physical, emotional, and mental edge often means a break down. Physical, emotional, and mental breakdown.

This is why I practice yoga. This is why I climb. I love pushing my limits, I love expanding my comfort zone, I love redefining impossible and learning what I am capable of. Ok... I actually hate it. In the moment that it is happening, it sucks. When I'm exhausted and broken and wanting to give up, I wonder why I put myself in such positions over and over. It is only after that I realize how much I learned and how much I gained that my hate morphs into love and I "un-quit."

I did carry Marc's big camera up Liberty Crack (as if I needed more weight), but the picture below is taken at Index. Me, a haul bag, and a smile! Somehow a smile!

Aid Climbing Index, WA

Aid Climbing Index, WA

For more Bergreen Photography Vertical Adventure Photography click on the photo above or visit www.bergreenphotography.com. For more on our adventures, we're sure to post Liberty Crack pictures soon, check out the Bergreen Barometer.

Me me me!

I have been thinking lately how working on improving ourselves can be either selfish or unselfish. On one hand, we are focused on me me me. Everything is about me and my mind and my emotions and my needs and how my world could or should be a better place. On the other side of the coin is the desire to be better for others. I want to make my significant other happy, I want to be a person that my brother wants to be around, I want to be stronger so that I can set a good example for the children in my life.

It is my belief that both sides of the coin are in play. We probably should not want to change/grow ONLY for the sake of other people, from experience I know that wrapping our own happiness up in someone else is not sustainable. At the same time, I think that it is dangerous to think only of ourselves.



We often see ourselves as the center of the world, we think everything revolves around us. We interpret what others see, do, or say by means of how it affects us. Sometimes we try to lesson these outside distractions, we try to turn internal and not let others throw us off our game by feeling like what they said or did had anything to do with us. This is a good practice especially since often we have no idea what is going on in the mind or heart of the other person.

However, from my experience of being human... even though I try to not let other people affect me, they often do. And although I wander through the world not thinking that my attitude on any given day has any impact on others, it often does. If we were to have a little consideration for one another, would our jobs not be easier?!

I often think of a quote that my teacher Molly Lannon Kenny uses with her Yoga and Social Change tour:
"If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together." ~Aboriginal Activists Group



Photos from Bergreen Photography, Seattle outdoor adventure and wedding photography. You can also check our our photo blog to see recent images from weddings and other adventures. 

Anger in the Sea

"Anger is like a red flag at the ocean lifeguard stand. It's just a sign of rough seas, nothing more. Maybe a little caution so as to not drown." - Swami J



I feel as though I am a person fairly in touch with my emotions. I mean, it's hard not to touch them (my emotions) when they're hanging out on my sleeve! And yet, although people feel like they can read me and know how I am feeling, there is so much more that goes on in my heart than anyone could ever know. I try to remember that when I see someone expressing an emotion. I am like, "yeash, why are they over-reacting?" And then I think about the last time I cried over spilt milk... even though the spilt milk triggered the emotion, that does not mean that its the actual reason for it.

I think about that saying about the spilt milk...
People say that it is no use fussing over mistakes we made because they are in the past and there is nothing we can do about it. People say to not fret the small stuff. People say that everything is going to be ok even if it does not feel like it. People say don't worry, be happy. I heard something I loved recently about nothing being broken beyond repair. The milk spills... I can fix it, I can clean it up, I can refill the glass, the world has not ended.

Hmm... yea, yea, I get it. That's all beautiful and wonderful and happy. But when I am having a bad day... the last thing I want is for you to tell me is that it's no big deal.

When the seas are rough, the seas are rough. That is a fact. As much as others tell me to B-positive, I wonder about telling them to B-real. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of PMA (Positive Mental Attitude.) And in fact, today I am feeling pretty positive about life and my day.

But yesterday...
Oh yesterday...
Yesterday I couldn't "calm the seas." I simply had to ride it out. I had to have caution and compassion and awareness. It is important to be able to say, I am having a bad day/week/year. It is important to me that having a bad day is ok. I am allowed. And at the same time, I know that all things have the capacity to change. A bad moment does not mean a bad day. A bad day, a bad week, a bad year does not mean a bad life. Can I both B-real and B-positive? In fact, I've been called a number of things from B, to B-real, to B-positive, to B-dizzle... and maybe it is not just because my name starts with B but also because there is no one way to be. Balance anyone? Unless we can control the sea?

Ignorance is Bliss... but mostly in hindsight!

What? I've had spinach in my teeth ALL day and no one told me?

Perhaps I was not blissfully ignorant all day. I certainly was blissfully ignorant of the spinach in my teeth... but it is only now, as I fret and fear over the unknown consequences of all of my actions that I dutifully performed with that darn spinach hanging between my teeth, that I think of that ignorance as bliss.

Back in the day...
 I was blissfully ignorant of the fact that some of my friends saw me as too emotional. Well... I was blissfully ignorant anyway. I was probably a little confused too, confused why I was not closer with certain people or why others did not seem to like me on certain days. Of course, maybe they liked me and I interpreted it as dislike... but that's just how great my mind is! ...always thinking it "knows" things, always thinking it "understands" things.

Back in the day...
before I realized I wasn't perfect, (I know, woah, earth shattering news) I did not know how much work it was to be a better person. Now, knowing that I can be better and working towards a better me, I often find myself exhausted at the end of the day. Why is it so much work to be patient? Why is it so much work to be understanding? Ignorance of my weaknesses and my ability/duty/desire to strengthen them... now that was bliss!

Essentially, I've been thinking about this Ignorance is Bliss stuff since yea, (for example) it would be great if I didn't KNOW that certain foods were bad for me because then I would not have guilt when I inevitably indulge. At the same time, it sucks to be putting things into my body that might have negative consequences for my digestion. For example, the ignorance of my allergy to wheat... ahh bliss! I ate pizza at will, any kind from anywhere! And now? Now I have to pay more, look harder, and eat special pizza without the processed wheat flour. Sometimes it is frustrating, sometimes it makes me angry in fact! But wow has my digestion improved! And wow I feel better! So perhaps it's not that the ignorance itself was good...

Looking deeper I see that ignorance is bliss because we didn't know the pain, the work, the missing out, etc... we were unaware of the "bad stuff." Well, personally, I like my new-found awareness and ability to work on being healthier physically, emotionally, relation-ally, etc. What if instead of ignorance of ________ we were simply unaffected by _______?

Unless you have an idea how to go back to being ignorant? Because by the time we realize "ahh ignorance was bliss," we are looking backwards into time. Ignorance is Bliss... but mostly in hindsight. Is there any other path to bliss besides ignorance? Non-attachment perhaps? Bah... sounds like a lot of work, ignorance was a lot easier.

"Wait?! The wrapping paper isn't the present?" -Boden (Wise or Ignorant Nephew??)

     To each his sufferings: all are men,
            Condemn'd alike to groan—
      The tender for another's pain,
            Th' unfeeling for his own.
      Yet, ah! why should they know their fate,
      Since sorrow never comes too late,
            And happiness too swiftly flies?
      Thought would destroy their Paradise.
      No more;—where ignorance is bliss,
            'Tis folly to be wise.


              -Thomas Gray

Dharma Peak

Where's this Dharma Peak that I am supposedly climbing?

Well... I started today by looking the websites that climbers check for route descriptions of various peaks. I checked Summit Post once and Summit Post again with my results showing me a potential peak with the name. There's a peak, also known as Willow Canyon Peak, that may have at one time been referred to as Dharma Peak...somewhere near Salt Lake City, hmmm. Then I checked Mountain Project and received the fateful "no results" response. Lastly I checked Super Topo and I found a sweet poem (posted at the end of this post) and a recommendation for a book called Dharma Bums. Perhaps I will check it out... but no route descriptions for Dharma Peak.

...back to my climb of Dharma Peak.

A quote I recently found puts it nicely, "It is a myth that there are many paths up the mountain to Truth. The truth is, there is only one path. The path is called "Up," and the method is called "Climb." -Sami Jnaneshvara


Many people who climb mountains or rocks understand that there is something indescribable about the feeling we get when we climb. Even so, I am constantly trying to describe that very feeling. I do not think it is something that you have to climb a literal mountain to understand, just think of something in your life that you push for and work for. Something in your life that you are willing to risk for and in return you learn and grow as a person. I love mountains because of their majesty and beauty in addition to their amazing ability to humble me and teach me valuable lessons. Through climbing I have learned about life, about myself... ok so I am still learning, always learning.


So Dharma Peak? It's just my symbolic mountain that I'm climbing in my life right now. I recently graduated from Yoga Teacher Training through the Samarya Center and am embarking on a new journey... or perhaps a continuation of the same journey...


one that I thought I would like to share!


With perhaps a little help from my friends!







Borrowed from SuperTopo:


Restless

My climbing toes are beginning to itch
with every passing hour;
I long for the sweat of the fifth-class pitch
and the summer mountain shower.
Yes I yearn for that coming day this fall
when I climb my cares away;
I'll heed the lure of the belayer's call
'neath the high cliffs I will play.
Don't try to hold me back, my friend,
it's not from you I run;
it's to climb and sing 'til the day's long end
in the land of the alpine sun.
So I'll stack the rack and eye the crack,
and I'll move without a tarry;
with my pack on my back, oh I really doubt
there's a finer load to carry.
A homestead's fine with a garden green,
a place to call your own;
but for my restless soul, the Creator's scheme,
the wild peaks for to roam.

GnomicMaster, 1976