Misconceptions on "Do Something You Love"

I've realized lately that some people have a misconception about those of us who try to "do something we love."

People say things like, "there should be meaning in life, but you shouldn't find it at work." People think that work is work and the things you love should be kept as hobbies so that you don't love them less by relying on them for income. Some cynics strongly disagree with the statement "do what you love and the money will follow." I figure that statement used to read, "Do what you love and the money will follow because of your natural aptitude, ceaseless hard work, and passion." Yeah, whew, they had to shorten the statement so that it would be a catchy quote. They thought the whole "hard work" thing was implied, I guess they were wrong.

I agree that sometimes we do whatever work we have to in order to make money so that we can do the things we love. I know that some jobs that need to get done might not be easy to love. I agree that some things should be kept as hobbies. I also can site personal experience for how money complicates our passions. Still, I strongly believe that we should attempt to have a day job that we love, or at least I should. It's a choice I make for myself and if someone asked me my opinion I would give them similar advice. We spend so much of our precious time at work. Having a day job we love doesn't mean we are happy and carefree everyday. That's not the definition of love we are talking about.

Let me clarify. It's not about doing something you love so that work doesn't feel like work. It's not about loving your job because it's always fun and easy. It's not about always being happy. In fact, it could be argued that it's the opposite. Doing something you love probably means you will work harder than ever, have ridiculous expectations, and care a lot about the outcome. It won't be easy and stress-free. Think about the people you love most. Don't you love them "in sickness and health, good times and bad?" Don't you work hardest on the relationships you have with people you love? Words are difficult. You might hear someone say, "when I'm doing what I love it doesn't feel like work." This is not to mean that said person isn't working. In fact, it is likely they are working really hard. Sometimes it doesn't "feel" like work because they have natural aptitudes and passions that make it enjoyable. It's still work. There is still effort involved.

People that search for dharma or a calling aren't just looking to have a "dream job" so that they can coast through life. Happiness is not about always being on vacation, happiness often means using the skills and gifts that we have.  It's not simply "I love to do yoga so I want to get paid for it." It's more about a love to teach, share ideas, and help others so I'll teach yoga... or coach soccer... or write a blog... or share ideas with friends. It's not even always about the doing something related to the thing you love. Sometimes it's about doing something related to the things you love doing. It's about utilizing your strengths and aptitudes.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to use my "degree" to get a "stable" job in a "reputable" industry like engineering. I know, however, that things that are easier aren't always better. Some people work for the sake of work. That's fine. That's their choice. Some people want to do something they love. Call us naive, call us dreamers, call us unrealistic... but know that we won't give up.

After all, doing something we love is something we are willing to work for!

Here's a neat post by someone more direct on the subject: Doing what you love ...instead of some shit that sucks. I tried to find a argument for the other side but I suppose I'm a little biased.

Training Climbs

"Man, if I was in better shape that wouldn't have been so hard. I should keep myself in better shape so this doesn't hurt so much." 

We've been having conference calls about the Samarya Yoga Teacher Training coming up in September. I'm getting excited to return to the Seattle area and see my friends in the Samarya community. I'm getting excited to teach as well as continue my own studying. I was thinking yesterday about the Samarya yoga trainings and how they have helped me so much as a yoga teacher but even more so as a person. Yoga as a practice helps us deal with our emotions, thoughts, and challenges. Yoga helps us cope and grow. As I train, study, and explore the various aspects of yoga in order to become a better yoga teacher I have also become a better friend, wife, and daughter.

I had lunch yesterday with a friend of mine who talked about being a positive person. She talked about making a choice to find the positive in life's challenges, making a choice to work hard and change something when she's not satisfied. She kept talking about the "choice" to to be happy and I couldn't help but think about how far I have come in realizing how manage my reactions and emotions. I remembered the old version of me that would have been defensive at her suggestion that we have a choice. I am not always a happy and positive person. I work at being happy and positive. I work at seeing the good in a situation. I practice it and practice it. We can't always control what happens to us, we can't control what other people say or do or how they treat us. See, my friend didn't say that we have a "choice" to have an "easy life." She said we have a choice as to how we deal with the life we have. I use to think that the happy and positive people were the ones that had the perfect lives. The more people I meet and the more I really talk to them about their own challenges, the more I learn that it's not what happens to us but how we handle it. Sadly, I'm not the first person that has said this.

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. -Epictetus

I think happiness quotes get a bad rap because they tell us it's our own fault if we aren't happy. My first reaction when I'm told that is to be defensive. It would be more helpful to be given information on how to react or how to get better at reacting. It feels like I'm already supposed to know how to react to something before I even know what that something is. I mean anyone who has had something really bad happen would tell you that you can never be prepared. And you can't. But Yoga helps us train. I notice that when I've been practicing yoga and something hits the fan, I am more prepared to deal with it. I still react emotionally but my recovery time has gotten better. The time it takes me to get back up after being knocked off the horse is faster. I think back to something my yoga teacher always said about practicing on little things so that we are ready for the big things. Now I get it.

It's like training climbs. We climb little mountains so that we are ready to climb the big ones. Climbing is never about one climb or one peak. You can't just wake up and decide you are ready. You have to be training and preparing. At least a little. Every time I come down from a big day I think, 

"Man, if I was in better shape that wouldn't have been so hard. I should keep myself in better shape so this doesn't hurt so much." 

Give Up

Watch this video. Trust me.

"So give up. Yes. I said give up. Give up yourself. Bury your weaknesses and tendencies into the heart of the earth. Release your arrogance and self-worth into the river to be carried away. Leave your fear in the valley and climb. Yay, climb over that mountain."

Dharma and Taking Action

I received a letter from an awesome friend that made my day, "You sounded very tired on the phone the other day, and I hope you remember and can find ways to recharge yourself each day or at least each week." I felt so blessed that I have such amazing people in my life that care about me like that. These are the relationships we need to cultivate and hold on to tightly.

I've learned over the years (by trial an error and from advice of great friends) that it's important to make taking care of myself a daily practice. Luckily this is sort of yoga right? A daily practice that helps us take care of ourselves. I've been thinking lately about what I actually do. I know I need to take care of myself, but how? I've been thinking about it since I gave my speech "The Voices in My Head," which I shared in my last post. I received some feedback after I gave the speech where someone wanted me to go further and share how I stop listening to the negative voices and start listening to the positive voices. Good point right? Whats the use of inspiration without tangible action items. How do we actually cultivate those opposite and positive thoughts?

Molly, my Seattle yoga teacher, always talks about daily practices so I've tried to incorporate some daily practices into my life. Some I do better at than others, some I do more often than others, some have become ingrained in my daily life and some take more effort. It's a matter of scheduling in positivity.

Some examples:

• I allow myself time to read and write at the coffee shop or in the hammock at least once a week
• I have an affirmation letter I wrote to myself on yoga teacher training framed on my nightstand so that it's the first and last thing I see every day.
• I have a quote on my to-do lit that says "dreams don't work unless you do" to remind me when I get discouraged why I'm doing what I'm doing
• I try to always be reading something educational or inspirational whether it's The Meditations of John Muir or something like the book "Start" that I'm reading right now.
• I keep my yoga mat accessible and have a space in my office always cleared and ready
• I have a place where I sit and meditate and some guided meditation recordings on my computer for when I need extra help
• I started using the Insight Timer to track meditation time, it's awesomely motivating!
• I write love notes to my husband and friends to remind myself and them why I love them so much
• I try to make time for exercise, baths, eating healthy... all those things that make us feel good

Another random one which sparked this post. I get a daily insights in my e-mail from yoga journal. Sometimes they get deleted and sometimes they are on the exact topic I've been thinking about all week. Or they are about a pose or poses that I've been wanting to teach in my yoga classes. Today, the insight was about dharma... which I write and think about a lot and have even named a peak after! Hence the blog title "Climbing Dharma Peak." For better or for worse, Yoga Journal is great at catering to the general yoga audience. At its worst, this means a lot of yoga pants and products that make me feel like I need to spend money. At its best, there are often very clear and easy to understand ways of talking about things. Descriptions without a lot of jargon or intangible concepts. Here's an note on dharma:

"Your personal dharma is the path you follow toward the highest expression of your own nature—and toward the fulfillment of your responsibilities to yourself, to others, to your society, and to the planet. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna often speaks of dharma as something inborn, a life calling that each of us has been given and from which we depart at our peril. But he also uses the word to mean right action, and for most of us, personal dharma comes down to that most basic question: What is the right thing for me to do now? Or, given my nature, my skills, and my personal preferences, what actions should I take to support the greater good?"

So, now I am passing along the encouragement that I received:

I hope you remember and can find ways to recharge yourself each day or at least each week. Perhaps ask yourself: What is the right thing for me to do now? Or what actions can I take?

The Voices in My Head

I'd like to share a speech with you that I wrote for a Toastmasters meeting. I was asked to re-give the speech at a kick-off for a new club so I re-wrote and tweaked it a little. I borrowed ideas from all kinds of wise people!

It's a lot about yoga sutra 2.33.

When I googled it to find the translation to paste here there were so many different ways of saying the same thing that I'm amazed we haven't figured out how to do it yet! So we'll go with this translation: “When disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite ones could be thought of.”

The voices in my head

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet."

"If you hate your work, leave.

If you hate your hate, leave that too."

Good afternoon and welcome to Toastmasters. It’s an honor to share a speech at the kick-off for this new club. It’s always an honor to get up and speak in front of a group, to share an idea or a story. I’ll have you know that Toastmasters is a supportive environment for sharing ideas. Even the crazy ones. That being said, I’ll have you know that someone else suggested I share the following speech.  A speech in which I reached deep into my subconscious in order to write. A speech for which I had to listen to the “voices inside my head.” This afternoon, I’d like to introduce you to them… to the voices… the voices inside my head.

Now these voices are tricky. I’m not talking about another person inside my head, I am talking about the voices of my emotions and thoughts. Before you get me one of those fancy jackets and haul me off, tell me if this doesn’t sounds familiar.

“I have to give this speech, I’m a little nervous. What if no one likes it? What if I forget what I am supposed to say? What if I trip? Or sweat too much? There’s no way I can do this. I should have called in sick. That guy is staring at me. He looks angry. I think he hates my speech, I think he hates me.”

Time out. At what point did the voices in my head take me down that path? Let’s say that guy was staring at me looking angry. Does that automatically mean he hates me? No. Maybe he had a bad day, maybe he’s thinking about something else, maybe that’s just what his face looks like. There are numerous possibilities and most of them have nothing to do with me. Those voices in my head think the world revolves around me. Those voices are not being useful and they are not being helpful.

Maybe some of you don’t relate to those thoughts. You have no fear of speaking, you know everyone loves listening to your ideas, you’re just hear to watch other people try to become better at public speaking. See if you can relate to any of these voices instead:

I don’t deserve a raise. I can’t run a mile.  I suck at cooking. I’ll never be as good of a speaker as Brenda.

Are any of those useful thoughts? Are any of them even true? Well maybe that last one… but those are just the stories we tell ourselves and they aren’t helpful.

There is this idea that we could acknowledge those thoughts when they arise and simply notice them without believing them. We could even say hello to the voice and recognize it for what it really is instead of accepting it as truth. “Hello jealousy, how are you today?” Hello judgment.”

Has anyone seen the movie “The Big Lebowski.” There’s this character in the movie known as “the dude.” As you can imagine by his name, he’s kind of a laid back guy. He doesn’t let much get to him. In the book, “The Dude and the Zen Master.” Jeff Bridges says that it would be interesting if we could respond to the voices in our heads like his character responds to someone who’s talking down to him. “That’s, like, just your opinion man.”

The voices in my head try to convince me that they are truth. All I know about those voices is that they exist and they are often problematic in my life. We have all heard one version or another of the saying, “When disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite ones could be thought of.” I’ve decided that I agree. I’ve decided that if I am going to have voices inside my head, not only am I going to acknowledge them for what they are… I’m also going to start listening to different voices. The positive ones.

One day while on a camping trip, a man was sitting at the campfire with his  grandson. He was telling him about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One wolf is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, ego, and superiority. The other wolf is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The grandson thought about this for a minute and then he asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old man replied, “The one you feed.”